When you’re in the throes of a devastating breakup, bouncing back is usually the last thing on your mind. How do you get over someone you love? The answer isn’t always cut and dry.
You’re likely poring over the box of ticket stubs and polaroids, wearing your ex’s sweatshirt, and cueing up that playlist of sad love songs on your phone.
While it’s cathartic to revel in the misery for a little while, eventually the time comes to put the box away, take off the shirt, and press pause on that Celine Dion ballad.
Read on to learn a few steps that can make the grieving process a bit more bearable.
Give Yourself Time to Learn How to Get Over Someone
Have you ever found yourself unable to sleep, compulsively checking the numbers on the alarm clock every few minutes? When you’re obsessed with how to get over someone, the cycle can feel similar.
If you set a time limit on your heartache or pressure yourself to get over your ex by a certain date or milestone, that ticking minute hand can consume you and impede your progress.
Instead, give yourself the grace to grieve. Allow as much time as you need to fully process what happened, rather than rushing into the next step. Doing so can make you feel bad about how far you’ve come when in reality, any step forward is healthy.
Stop Your Scroll
You can claim you’re over your ex all day long, but if you’re still scrolling their Instagram feed in bed at 1:00 a.m., you’re only lying to yourself.
In today’s Digital Age, we’re more connected than ever before. While this is a great thing when you want to FaceTime your grandparents a few states away, it can also be a miserable reality.
Is your ex is posting memes about happiness and flaunting a new partner a few days after uttering words that totally gutted you? If so, it’s time to press that important little “unfollow” button and get your life back. This is a smart step even if there’s currently no ill will floating between you two on the internet.
Being able to instantly peek into your ex’s life at any time isn’t healthy, especially when you’re ready to move on. Though it might hurt at first, do yourself a favor and take away the temptation altogether. Yes, this includes removing their profile from your phone, too.
Don’t Push the Emotions Away
Consider this all the permission you need to lean fully into any emotions you’re feeling. After a painful breakup, those might range from intense anger to consuming heartache. Like any nagging thought that you try to push aside, these feelings have a way of catching up with you.
While we aren’t recommending that you wallow in your melancholy forever, it’s important to recognize what your heart is saying. We’re taught to believe that negative emotions can make us feel worse, but truthfully, these can be some of the most healing and transformative conversations we can have with ourselves.
Focus on Self-Love
The first relationship you ever had was with yourself. All too often, it’s easy to lose your identity in an all-consuming relationship. If you’re just getting over someone, don’t rush into the arms of someone new just yet.
Instead, take this time to become reacquainted with yourself. What are some hobbies that you adore but haven’t pursued in a long time? Where would you go and what would you do if time, money and resources weren’t an issue?
Answering these questions is a good way to learn what sets your soul ablaze. Use these discoveries to guide your next move, and don’t let anyone threaten to usurp that progress. You deserve time to take long baths, turn up your music loudly, and remember who you were before you were simply part of a pair.
Journal Your Feelings
Sometimes, the very act of writing down how you feel can be one of the greatest forms of release. Instead of storing up all of your thoughts and feelings inside, why not journal about them? Even if you’re not great with words, remember that no one has to read your prose (or poetry) besides you.
Having a little writer’s block? Try these psychologist-recommended journaling exercises to get your creative juices flowing. Then, resist the urge to tear out the pages when you’re done. Later, you can look back at these same passages and see how far you’ve come.
Re-Channel Your Energy
Sure, you could sit at home and impress a human-shaped mold on your couch. While binge-watching Netflix and eating all the chocolate is healthy in small doses, you can benefit your physical and emotional health by channeling that energy elsewhere.
Feeling fed up and angry with your ex? Instead of posting passive-aggressive tweets, take a walk around the block. Create art. Call your best friend.
There are plenty of productive ways to get over someone that will calm your mind and help set your nerves at ease. Surround yourself with friends and family members who love you and won’t let you fall into the trap of constant self-pity. Anything that can help release those feel-good endorphins will put you one step ahead on the path forward.
How Do You Get Over Someone You Love? One Day at a Time
It’s unrealistic to expect that you’ll be back on your feet and feeling fine the day after a heart-wrenching breakup. Doing so would discount the special and important time that you spent with your ex, however, wrought with emotion those final days and weeks might have been.
That said, how do you get over someone you love? By going at your own pace.
Don’t let society, your best friend, or social media pressure you into thinking that you’re taking too long. Only you can move ahead in the best way you know-how, so take the time to figure out what that looks like.
Need a little professional guidance as you navigate this new journey? We’re here to help. Book a coaching session.