Make Sure Breaking Up is What You Really WantBefore you tell your significant other those dreaded words “we need to talk”, it’s important to make sure that breaking up is what you really want. Remember, every relationship has rough patches, and a rough patch doesn’t necessarily mean breaking up is the solution. Ultimately, you need to make sure that breaking up is something you want, and you’re not just being influenced by friends and family members. That being said, here are some signs that your relationship has ran its course:
- You don’t trust your partner
- You’ve grown apart
- You’re the one doing all the sacrificing
- Your major values don’t align
- You’ve stopped putting effort into the relationship or you’ve stopped caring
- You don’t like who you are in the relationship
- You’re fighting non-stop
- Your needs aren’t being fulfilled
- You think about breaking up all the time
How to Break Up With Someone You LoveIf you decide to not salvage the relationship, then it’s time to move onto the breakup phase. So, how do you break up with someone you love? Here are some tips to help get you through it:
Do It in PersonBreaking up with someone in person is tough, especially if you’re non-confrontational. But, it’s the respectful thing to do, especially if you still love the person. In addition to it being a sign of respect to the other person, breaking up in person also helps you get closure. Usually, when a breakup takes place via text or email, there’s always a plan to meet up that never comes to fruition. If you want to make a clean cut, doing the breakup in person is the best decision. Plus, we all know that feelings and emotions can get jumbled up and misunderstood via text. To have the most open, honest conversation possible about your relationship, you need to speak with your partner in person.
Try to Answer All of Their QuestionsIf you’re breaking up with someone you love, there’s a good chance that they’re going to be a bit blindsided. Because of this, they’re likely going to have questions about what made you decide to break up with them. While it can be hard to answer these types of questions, not giving an explanation will leave your partner confused, hurt, and possibly angry. However, if your partner asks you what went wrong, this doesn’t give you the go-ahead to tear them down, especially if they treated you well in the relationship. It’s fine to explain to your partner why you’re no longer compatible, but there’s no need for low blows or cheap shots.
Do it in a Comfortable SpaceThere’s never a right time or right place to break up with someone. But, there are definitely situations you should avoid. Obviously, you want the breakup conversation to be done in private. If you live separately, then doing it at one of the other’s homes is usually the best bet. If you live together, then you’re going to want to make sure you have a place to stay for the next few nights or so until you can figure out who will move out. Since you’re the one initiating the breakup, it shouldn’t be on your partner to find a place to stay for the night. Unless, of course, it’s your own home.
Set BoundariesAfter breaking up with someone you love, it’s very important to set boundaries. Setting boundaries will help both of you move on from the relationship and heal from it. This doesn’t mean you can’t remain friends, but it does mean you both need to take time to be alone and re-steady yourself. It can be very tempting to continue to talk and text with an ex after a breakup, but this makes it incredibly difficult to heal. Additionally, it can give your ex false hope that the relationship is still salvageable. This is why it’s very important to layout boundaries early on in terms of how your relationship proceeds. If your ex tells you they never want to speak to you again, that can be tough to hear, but you need to respect their wishes. When setting boundaries, here are some things you might want to discuss:
- Are we going to remain friends on social media?
- Are we going to continue to see each other in real life?
- Are we going to continue texting and talking? If so, how often?
Breaking Up With Someone You Love: Are You Ready?Now that you know how to break up with someone you love, it’s time to rip the bandaid. As we’ve mentioned, breakups are almost never easy. But, the sooner you do it, the sooner you both can move on. If you need help moving on from your relationship, be sure to check out my one-on-one coaching.