It’s normal after a breakup, to sit around and say to yourself, “I miss my ex.” A breakup is an emotional experience for anyone, regardless of how good or bad your relationship was. It could’ve been the most toxic relationship or the most loving relationship, just the thought of being without that person, is enough to make you miss him or her. Maybe it was your high school sweetheart, a first “true” love, or someone that was a significant part of your life. Or maybe the two of you have a kid together. The point is that it’s going to take time to get over it the breakup.
After a breakup, the most important thing is to focus on yourself. Everyone goes through the healing process differently. Some people can quit cold turkey and others need to find closure and go through the grieving process.
One of the first things you are told that you should do is to do a complete purge of your social media accounts. Get rid of all photos and messages that the two of you shared and temporarily block your ex. This can be difficult if you have mutual friends on social media or if you are still friends with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend’s family members. According to breakup coach, Natalia Juarez, “Sometimes we need to wean people off, and it’s OK.”
I Miss My Ex
We broke up and I really miss him or her, now what? After a breakup, you will get a lot of solicited and unsolicited advice about what you should do and how you should handle it. Granted your best interest is at heart, but in the beginning, that’s not how you will see it.
The first step is to adhere to the no contact period. For some people it can be 30 days and others it can take 60-90 days. This means no texting, no social media stalking, no phone calls (prank or not). For those breakups that involve kids, of course, there can’t be a no-contact period. However, you can set contact rules for communication regarding your child. When my ex(now husband) and I split up, for the first month all communication was strictly about our son. We would set up days that he would come and pick up our son and spend time with just him. Eventually, this led to us spending more time together, however, rules were meant to be broken right?
Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much?
This is one of the first questions we ask ourselves when going through a breakup. Your partner was your best friend and confidante. The one you talked to about everything. So it is only human to miss them so much, especially if the two of you lived together. You spent practically every waking moment together. So, you need to ask yourself, what is that you miss, your ex or the companionship of your ex?
Sometimes when we are in long term relationships we stay in them even though we are drifting apart. Why? Because it is familiar. You know your ex and your ex knows you. Going back to the subject of kids, maybe, you miss the idea of being a family together. You might miss how your ex and kids interacted together. You could miss any rituals that you had with the kids and now you are doing this separately. This can make you miss them more than ever right now. Remember, this feeling is natural.
How To Make Your Ex Miss You
After a period of time, you may ask yourself, “Does my ex miss me?” Unfortunately, unless your ex comes right out and tells you that he or she misses you, there’s no way to know for sure. So what do you do when you miss your ex? You make your ex miss you.
Just because you want to be missed, doesn’t necessarily mean that you want them back. Misery loves company, so if you are feeling sad or like you can’t move on, then you want your ex to feel the same way. While this feeling is normal, it is not the healthiest way to move on.
There’s a right and wrong way to make someone miss you. So many of us make the mistake of making our ex jealous by getting involved in a relationship immediately after breaking up. While this will make them miss you, it will also make reconciling with your ex problematic, if that is your ultimate goal. Making your ex insanely jealous is the wrong way to make them miss you.
The right way to make them miss you is for them to see what they are missing. If you haven’t severed ties on social media, post pictures showing that you are loving yourself. Whether it’s spending more time with family or going out with friends, avoid doing something that will make them despise you.
Depending on your breakup you may still be on speaking terms with your ex. Or maybe enough time has elapsed to where you are back on speaking terms. If that is the case, show your ex that you are thinking of him or her. Maybe the two of you had an inside joke that you shared through text messages every day, send a message about the inside joke. When my husband and I took a break while we were dating, I would send him pictures of us at the zoo or on a trip together with our son. He would comment on how much he missed us being a family.
Is it a Breakup or a Break?
According to a research study, 50% of couples end up reuniting after taking a “break” from each other. A breakup is when you feel that the relationship can’t go on and you do not plan on reuniting. A break is when you get to a point in your relationship that you need to press pause. The two of you need a period of time away from one another to reestablish the bond you once had.
You Want To Get Back Together
For those wanting to rekindle their relationship, then time apart is often the best thing during a breakup because it gives you time to reflect on why you fell in love in the first place. Oftentimes we reminisce about what our ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend would do to make us feel good, which makes us believe that we want our ex back. You need to make sure that it’s your ex you want back and not the feeling of being with someone. It could’ve been something as simple as watching a show together every week or sending text messages throughout the day.
You Just Want To Move On
For those that just want to move on, but are having a difficult time, focus on you. If you find yourself thinking about your ex during all of your free time, do activities to occupy your time. Some people will jump right back into dating and others have a hard time getting back into the dating game. Try online dating. You can talk to new people when you feel lonely, yet you are not obligated to take it any further.
When my daughter and her first love split up, she created an online dating profile. She would just talk to people and didn’t feel pressured to take it any further. The point is that it helped her get through the healing process to where she was able to move on.
If you are not ready to try online dating then there are other people that you can speak with to help you through the rough patches.
Should You Talk To A Relationship or Breakup Coach?
How do you know when you should seek services from a relationship coach or a breakup coach?
If you answer yes to any of the following questions, then you should speak with a relationship coach or a breakup coach. Their job is not only to guide you through the relationship but also to coach you through the breakup. A relationship coach can help you see what areas you can improve to reach your relationship goals. A breakup coach can help you through the breakup.
- Do you want to reunite with your ex, but you don’t know where to start?
- Are you wanting to forget about your ex and move on with your life?
- Are you wanting to gain confidence or overcome shyness with the opposite sex?
- Do you need help identifying what your long-term relationship goals are?
- Do you want to improve your ability to communicate and resolve conflicts with your ex?
- Are you losing mutual friends due to the breakup?
- Are you having a hard time going through the beginning stages of the breakup?
Conclusion
There are many reasons that we go through breakups in our lives. Whether it is for 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, or forever, the important thing is bouncing back from a breakup. Although it can be a painful time, it is also the best time for you to discover who you are and what you want. If it were meant to be, it will happen. If it wasn’t meant to be, remember that only time can mend a broken heart.
Do you need help with your ex? Contact me for one-on-one coaching.
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